I used to be fat.

I used to be fat. Although I don't think I was ever hugely over weight, at least that is my opinion. Now if you had calculated my BMI, you would have seen that it was 37.2. which puts me in the obese category. One of the calculators that I had looked at indicated that 91% of the American female population weigh less then I did. At my highest weight, I was 217lbs. Measuring a measly 5'4", I guess that really was a lot. Currently, I weigh 149lbs and am trying to get down to my goal weight of 135lbs. There was really no "ah moment" where I woke up and said "enough"! I don't know what happened, I guess I got tired of shopping at Lane Bryant, not going swimming with my daughter, and generally being embarrassed at how I looked. So it just happened. One day I made the commitment to lose the weight. It started with my just going to the gym 3 days per week, but I soon found that was not enough to really effect a change. I started talking to people that I knew who had lost weight, and the resounding commonality they all had was the combination of diet and exercise. So, I joined Weight Watchers. Two years, 70 lbs, and 5 pant sizes later, here I am! I still have a bit of weight to lose (like 15 lbs), but I now am in a healthy weight range... and if you calculated my BMI, you'd find out that I am in the "normal" range!

You know even after losing 70 lbs, it's funny the things I find myself focusing on. I look in the mirror and don't like the "belly jell-o" that I still have, or the jiggle thighs. I find myself critiquing how I look in each outfit. Do I look fat in this? Does it cling to my belly? With as far as I've come, one would think that I could let go of the negative body talk. Nope. It's like an old friend. A crotchety old friend, but one that I am comfortable with. This thought process was brought home to me when I read Valerie Frankel's memoir, "Thin is the New Happy". It's her exploration into her negative self image and breaking free of yo-yo diets that she subjected herself to for 35 years. (35 years!) During the exploration of her dieting issues, she realized that a large majority of her thoughts were taken up with negative self talk, consciously and unconsciously. Reading that book has helped me to realize that alot of the issues with food that I have stemmed from emotional eating, insanely low self esteem, and a hugely negative self image (see above regarding "Do I look fat in this?"). So, what can I do about it? I am trying to let go of the negative, learning to love myself for who and what I am, and be proud of what I've accomplished.

One main Weight Watcher's mottois "This is a lifestyle change, not a diet". I think the key to changing the lifestyle is to, not only change how you eat, but to also change how you think about yourself. I wonder if that is how the successful weight loss maintainers did it?